Life After HipHop
I never really considered what life would be like after I bowed out of HipHop; to be honest I never saw myself bowing out of Hip Hop until it actually happened. So when it did happen there was no 'what now?' moment. I think those moment only happen to those who have a set plan as to when they were going to retire and hang up the mic. Mine was a natural progression as I felt myself becoming more and more disconnected from making music. I had no desire to go to the studio, I couldn't imagine myself touring or doing anything I had dreamt of doing in my youth (I say that as though I am an old man now) so putting down the microphone wasn't a scary decision to make, on the contrary, it came easily and felt somewhat empowering to let it go. Once I had put the microphone down I went back to where it all started for me, I went back to being a fan. I got to listen to music and appreciate the people who were using their gifts to bring that ray of sunshine into our world. I reconnected with the hiphop that I loved, I got back into the swing of appreciating the gift given to others.
Another thing happened, I had a moment of clarity, I realised that what I enjoyed about making music was not writing the song, recording it and all the other stuff that comes with it. I enjoyed writing about concepts and scenarios. I enjoyed finding a subject matter, researching it and finding out more about it. I enjoyed taking this information and piecing it together to paint a bigger picture. I actually hated compressing all the information into a 4 minute song. How do you compression the lessons of the first 10 chapters of the book of Proverbs into one song? You can't! There it was, eureka! It had hit me like the proverbial football to the side of the head knocking you out of a day dream. I had known that I was created to share the gospel, that was old news to me. I had known that from the age of 10 or so! The format by which I would deliver the message was what I never saw coming. I had always believed that I was going to rapper who took the gospel to the world. I thought I would be the first Christian rapper to win a grammy (don't laugh, it was fantasy) , I had imagined myself on MTV and BET rapping about biblical concepts and destroying the secular rappers in the process. This was my dream and I guess to a certain extent explains why I attributed success in music as success in ministry. Well thank God I was wrong and willing to ask God to order my footsteps.
In asking God to lead me, I asked God to reveal to me more about myself. I wanted to know who the David he created was really meant to be. What did he put in me to make me tick? What did he create me to be passionate about? Well he created me to be passionate about him and given the opportunity, to share boldly about him. He also created me to love research and finding out information, he created to love talking and sharing what I know with others, he created me to love others, he created me to want to see others achieve their goals and their dreams, he created me to want to see people live fruitful and successful lives and he created me to want to give people his take on things based on his word.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have contemplated being a writer or someone who stands on a stage sharing the gospel. I will put this out there now... I am not a pastor. I care about people and I love people but if you call me at 3:00am in the morning and ask me to come over and pray for you then you may be waiting till like 10:00am. That's not because I don't care but I am not wired in that way. For example; I recall my friend asking me to go to the airport with him and he said to me sternly "I will be round at 3:45am to pick you up, make sure you are ready"! So I said to him "of course I will be ready" but when the time came, I was fast asleep. My friend called my mobile phone, which I answered and I reassured him that I was awake and I would be outside shortly but I wasn't. He called me once again at 4:00am which is when I finally jumped out of bed and got dressed and went outside to meet him. The moral of the story, I care about people and I would go out of my way to do anything for people but I don't have those personal qualities that you need as someone called to shepherd people.
So if I am not a pastor then what does that make me? Well I had to go to my pastor to understand what this calling was and once he told me it seemed so obvious. It was one of those 'doh' moments really. He looked me square in my face and said, you're not meant to be a pastor, you've been given the gift to teach the gospel. That is what you love to do. It all made so much sense and anyone who knows me well will tell you I can talk the face off anyone I meet (I think my eldest daughter has this ability too). Give me a subject that I am passionate about and I will talk to you about it till the cows come home.
I decided to share this because right now I am contemplating a number of things which could all be considerably life changing. Knowing what I now know about myself, do I continue to pursue a career that brings me very little satisfaction apart from the monetary benefits or do throw caution to the wind and look towards what I was created to do? If I were a single man with no responsibilities the answer would be simple. I love an adventure, I would probably have stopped working and moved to some remote location of even went back to university to study theology (not that I have stopped thinking about doing that). The problem is I am not a single man; I am a husband and a father of two with a mortgage and responsibilities. This doesn't mean I can't do what I was created to do, it means I must look at plan of how I transition from where I am to where I want to be. In my circumstance, blogging is the start of my transition. I am not an accomplished writer and to be honest I also feel that my vocabulary is somewhat limited for a writer but what I lack in formal qualification I make up for in enthusiasm. I will work towards my dream and I will give it my all. I have so much I want to share about as I study the word of God I know he will put more and more in me. There will be some of you out there who are in positions where you feel like you have come to the fork in the road and you are wondering which way to go. Well I say take it to God and let him be the light on your feet. God has put in you everything you need to be successful in what you are passionate about. He has equipped you with all you need to survive and his word says "seek first the kingdom of God and all things will be added to you". He has made provision for you so do not fear, he has given you the wisdom you require to plan and prepare yourself to do what he has created you to do. As you pursue it he will bring the right people and the right opportunities to you. I will not lie to you and say that it will be an easy journey but what adventure is easy? Some of the greatest explorers never return from their adventures but I guess this is part of the thrill of an adventure. I for one will throw myself into making my dream a reality because it is what I was created to do and I would be doing myself the biggest disservice if I did not go for it. I encourage you to be brave and to find the courage within to go after that dream that God has given to you.
So what does my life after hiphop currently look like? Well I would say it's looking like one big adventure and I am lacing up my boots and running towards it with no hesitation.
Another thing happened, I had a moment of clarity, I realised that what I enjoyed about making music was not writing the song, recording it and all the other stuff that comes with it. I enjoyed writing about concepts and scenarios. I enjoyed finding a subject matter, researching it and finding out more about it. I enjoyed taking this information and piecing it together to paint a bigger picture. I actually hated compressing all the information into a 4 minute song. How do you compression the lessons of the first 10 chapters of the book of Proverbs into one song? You can't! There it was, eureka! It had hit me like the proverbial football to the side of the head knocking you out of a day dream. I had known that I was created to share the gospel, that was old news to me. I had known that from the age of 10 or so! The format by which I would deliver the message was what I never saw coming. I had always believed that I was going to rapper who took the gospel to the world. I thought I would be the first Christian rapper to win a grammy (don't laugh, it was fantasy) , I had imagined myself on MTV and BET rapping about biblical concepts and destroying the secular rappers in the process. This was my dream and I guess to a certain extent explains why I attributed success in music as success in ministry. Well thank God I was wrong and willing to ask God to order my footsteps.
In asking God to lead me, I asked God to reveal to me more about myself. I wanted to know who the David he created was really meant to be. What did he put in me to make me tick? What did he create me to be passionate about? Well he created me to be passionate about him and given the opportunity, to share boldly about him. He also created me to love research and finding out information, he created to love talking and sharing what I know with others, he created me to love others, he created me to want to see others achieve their goals and their dreams, he created me to want to see people live fruitful and successful lives and he created me to want to give people his take on things based on his word.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have contemplated being a writer or someone who stands on a stage sharing the gospel. I will put this out there now... I am not a pastor. I care about people and I love people but if you call me at 3:00am in the morning and ask me to come over and pray for you then you may be waiting till like 10:00am. That's not because I don't care but I am not wired in that way. For example; I recall my friend asking me to go to the airport with him and he said to me sternly "I will be round at 3:45am to pick you up, make sure you are ready"! So I said to him "of course I will be ready" but when the time came, I was fast asleep. My friend called my mobile phone, which I answered and I reassured him that I was awake and I would be outside shortly but I wasn't. He called me once again at 4:00am which is when I finally jumped out of bed and got dressed and went outside to meet him. The moral of the story, I care about people and I would go out of my way to do anything for people but I don't have those personal qualities that you need as someone called to shepherd people.
So if I am not a pastor then what does that make me? Well I had to go to my pastor to understand what this calling was and once he told me it seemed so obvious. It was one of those 'doh' moments really. He looked me square in my face and said, you're not meant to be a pastor, you've been given the gift to teach the gospel. That is what you love to do. It all made so much sense and anyone who knows me well will tell you I can talk the face off anyone I meet (I think my eldest daughter has this ability too). Give me a subject that I am passionate about and I will talk to you about it till the cows come home.
I decided to share this because right now I am contemplating a number of things which could all be considerably life changing. Knowing what I now know about myself, do I continue to pursue a career that brings me very little satisfaction apart from the monetary benefits or do throw caution to the wind and look towards what I was created to do? If I were a single man with no responsibilities the answer would be simple. I love an adventure, I would probably have stopped working and moved to some remote location of even went back to university to study theology (not that I have stopped thinking about doing that). The problem is I am not a single man; I am a husband and a father of two with a mortgage and responsibilities. This doesn't mean I can't do what I was created to do, it means I must look at plan of how I transition from where I am to where I want to be. In my circumstance, blogging is the start of my transition. I am not an accomplished writer and to be honest I also feel that my vocabulary is somewhat limited for a writer but what I lack in formal qualification I make up for in enthusiasm. I will work towards my dream and I will give it my all. I have so much I want to share about as I study the word of God I know he will put more and more in me. There will be some of you out there who are in positions where you feel like you have come to the fork in the road and you are wondering which way to go. Well I say take it to God and let him be the light on your feet. God has put in you everything you need to be successful in what you are passionate about. He has equipped you with all you need to survive and his word says "seek first the kingdom of God and all things will be added to you". He has made provision for you so do not fear, he has given you the wisdom you require to plan and prepare yourself to do what he has created you to do. As you pursue it he will bring the right people and the right opportunities to you. I will not lie to you and say that it will be an easy journey but what adventure is easy? Some of the greatest explorers never return from their adventures but I guess this is part of the thrill of an adventure. I for one will throw myself into making my dream a reality because it is what I was created to do and I would be doing myself the biggest disservice if I did not go for it. I encourage you to be brave and to find the courage within to go after that dream that God has given to you.
So what does my life after hiphop currently look like? Well I would say it's looking like one big adventure and I am lacing up my boots and running towards it with no hesitation.
Comments
Post a Comment